Depressed.

I knew when I walked away from corporate security in September 2007 that the road ahead of me would be difficult and unpredictable. I've tried countless other day jobs since then and have felt no better than before. I've tried NYC again and, presumably, failed. I'm worn out. I'm tired. I am just so tired.

I feel shallow and conflicted because I want to be making a lot more money. I NEED to be making a lot more money. As it is, I can't even afford the minimalist lifestyle I'm already living. I thought I'd have my shit together by 24. I thought I'd be independent and happy.

I don't feel like talking to anyone about it. I don't like hearing other success stories of friends and co-workers. I'm insanely jealous of people with independence and money.

So what did I do? I trusted in this elusive concept of doing what I love and feeling happy, but it's leaving me feeling so behind, so alone and so sad. So remorseful. So lost.

I don't know how I'm even going to cover my bills I already have. It's maddening and scary.

I got another writing gig which is going to get my name out there. Whether or not I'll be making any money is another story. I hope so. I'm still trying to get more writing gigs. I'm still trying to get my name out there.

I just want my own space. I want to have a job. I want to do my own grocery shopping again. I want to feel capable. I want to feel like an adult.

I know I've been bitching and complaining on this blog for the past year almost. It's strayed so much from what I wanted it to be, but it's still about me figuring out life. It's still about me figuring out who I am and , more oftentimes, who I am not.

I have a long couple of days with Inauguration and such. Let's go OBAMA! Exciting time. :)

'Till next time . . .

A

Writing and Me

Writing makes me happy. I'm good at it and I love doing it. I want to be a writer. Sure, I wanted to be a rock star too, but I've always wanted to write. I wanted to publish my own magazine. I want to write books. I want to write op-ed pieces. I don't want to work for anyone. I want to get my shit out there. That's what I want. That's what I live for.

But why is it that when given the opportunity, I'd rather watch bad reality television? I don't get it. This line of work is NOT easy because you have to do EVERYTHING. The time you spend actually writing is very little. Most of your time is spent trying to acquire writing gigs.

I really want to be in NYC. I just don't get why I didn't land this last job after two successful interviews. I have not gotten a solid "no" yet, but I heard the position was already filled. I sent an e-mail to HR and they said it is still open. I just don't get it. But the truth is, I would be using this job as a stepping stone to NYC and other things. Networking mostly. But I want it. I want NYC. I want young, motivated, trendy, fun people. I want it all.

So today I'm writing a little bit. I also plan on working out a little. Watching a little more bad reality tv.

Until next time . . .

No NYC

So, I haven't been "denied" the job in NYC yet, but my friend that works there said they've hired someone. Technically there were two open positions, but I don't see either position listed on the website. The HR person told me a few weeks ago (after I heard the position had been filled) that they have NOT hired someone. What gives? I guess I'm moving on.

I really wish I had enough money to support myself and to move out on my own. I really want to branch out and start my life as an adult. I feel stifled. I feel behind.

I'm trying to get my writing out there and it's working, but of course not fast enough and it takes A LOT of work. I just feel like I do all this work and have nothing to show for it. I am not happy just simply working to live. It depresses me. I want to LOVE my job so much that it doesn't feel like work and I want to be paid enough to live on my own, support myself and have extra money left over to spend on things I need and want. Is that too much to ask?

Bleh. Just bleh. I'm dealing with it, but I'm making myself crazy. I can't relax without thinking I should be doing something.

As such, today is no thinking about work or my future day. I'm just going to rest, eat, relax and get my mind off of that stuff. There's always tomorrow for worrying.

Have a great Sunday.

A

So, this time last year was a pretty rough time for me. Also, since it was so bad, 2008 seemed as if it would be full of new beginnings and miracles. Well, it was. Since 2008 was so awesome, I find myself being apprehensive about 2009. Like, will it live up to 2008? 2008 flew by faster than I could ever imagine, but it was full of such growth and positivity, I just wish I could have enjoyed it even more.

My resolutions for last year are as follows:

-become completely financially independent (Nope.)

-finish and publish my first novel (LOL . . .no way, but I did manage to get published on the Internet.)

-find real love (Yes! I did!)-travel to at least one place outside of the US (No.)

-follow my dreams (Sorta . . .I interviewed for a job in NYC, but have yet to be offered a position. Should I wait? No idea.)

-become a little more physically fit (and lose the obligatory 10 pounds) (Let's just say, I actually GAINED 10 pounds.)

-be true to myself (I think I have been, for the most part. Not completely.)

-get rid of some debt (Yes! But I acquired some, too!)

So what did I learn? I learned A LOT about love and relationships. Mainly, how to be in one and how to love someone. It's been pretty exciting and tough. I am finally in a mature relationship with someone I love dearly. This is all so new to me, but I know I deserve it and I'm working on it everyday.

I learned how to take control of things better. I learned how to communicate better. I learned not everyone has bad intentions. I learned that some people are truly good. I learned positivity is very important. I learned not to commit to something just for the money.

Also, most importantly, I've discovered that some things in life are off the menu. You can't plan everything. For instance, look at my resolutions from last year, did I accomplish them all? Not even close. But am I SO happy and was it an UNBELIEVABLE year? Abso-fucking-lutely. :) Sometimes you just have to go with the flow.

In 2009, I want to work on balance. Balancing "me" time with life time. Taking time out to work out more, something I truly enjoy doing and feeling. I want to balance being happy with making money. I just need more balance in so many areas of my life.

I want to do at least one of the following:

-Get an awesome, fun, fulfilling and VERY-WELL PAYING job.
-Go back to grad school for writing!
-Have excellent credit.
-Perform one gig singing! (Get back in touch with my creativity.)
-Move out of my mama's house.
-Win the lottery.

Other things:
I want to continue my beautiful relationship with my boyfriend. I want to continue to grow with him.
I want to be more positive and freak out less.
I want to continue being happy. :)

Here's to 2009!

Ebs and Flows of Money and Graduation

I've been out of college for almost three years. Two and a half, really. Anyway, I realized that I was broke for the first 3-4 months after graduation. Then I got a well-paying job I despised for about 8 months and made loads of money. Afterwards, I am broke again. I've been broke for the past year and change. Most of my friends, who have either decided by this time to go grad school or get married are broke too. We're all in the same boat. It's depressing. I don't even have a career or grad school to show for my brokeassness.

Bleh. Just thinking about this while I work for $10/hr at a temp job that requires me to sit on my ass and answer phones.

I am so unfulfilled. This can't last. :(

Also, you know how if you keep thinking about something, it'll happen. Sort of like a self-fulfilling prohecy? Yeah. I need to stop thinking negatively. POSTIVE THINKING ONLY! :)

I have $10 in my bank account.

There, I admitted it. I am broke as a fucking joke. I have $10 in my bank account. I feel worthless, sad, and helpless. There's really nothing I can do. I'm working as much as I can. I don't get paid until next Friday, so basically, it is what it is. Accordingly, I'm planning on spending lots of time holed up at home doing nothing. What else can I do? I think I'll also use this time to work out and get in shape. Clean up a little. Maybe write? Who knows. But basically, I will be doing nothing involved money.

My monitor to my laptop broke. Someone stepped on it over Thanksgiving holiday. Now I have a monitor I'm borrowing from my mom since there's NO WAY I can afford another Mac. I have the Powerbook G4 that I've had for three and a half years. I was planning on just getting another battery and uploading Mac OS XI Jaguar, but now it may not even be worth it. Oh well . . .

OH yeah, this probably deserves it's own post altogether, but the other night I was in a very agitated mood at dinner with my boyfriend. I had just finished working at a company I'm temping for during the holidays and afterwards I sat in the car for an hour and a half to get to where he lives. I was being so bitchy. I was bitchy for so many reasons but oddly I came out and said:

"I"m jealous of you because you can stay thin and eat whatever you want and I have to watch what I eat and I still gain weight!"

Yes, I told my boyfriend that I'm jealous of him because he is very skinny and I can't even button up pants I fit into fine last year. I haven't been working out at all, really. I've been eating fries, pizza, sweets and stuff, which is usually something I try to cut back on. Basically, I've began to let myself go and I wanted to blame someone or something. I'm ridiculous sometimes.

So I'm feeling shitty and he says he has a surprise after dinner. Turns out he had some pictures made of some pics he took of me over our summer vacation to his family's lake house. He said he needed pictures of me. He wanted to have some. I realized how much he loves me. It made me in a WAY better mood. I felt like such an idiot being so ridiculous.

That guy is made of love. Why am I worried about 5 or 10 pounds and the money in my bank account? I've got him.

4-minutes to blog

So I have to go walk our dog in 4 minutes (3 minutes now), but I wanted to research some more jobs before I left. Then I got discouraged because no jobs I find seem appealing around here. The one job I want right now is in NYC and I haven't heard back about it yet, so all I have to do is wait, wait, wait. Very frustrating.

I know I was put on this Earth for some reason. I know I have my family and friends that I love and may make a difference to and for. I know I can be the kind stranger who smiles and helps someone to (hopefully) have a pleasant day. I know I can be the sweet and thoughtful lover to my boy and what not. but . . .

I know I can be more, too. I know I can make a difference in the whole world. I know I can make a good living. I know I can be financially independent and stable with a HAPPY, FULFILLING, DREAM JOB!

I just wish it were all so easy.

So that's what I'll leave you with today. Gotta go walk this dog.

LOVE!
A

Fertile Land

an ex-ex-flame
of the unrequited nature
keeps burning into my reality
much to my dismay

to escape this dismay
i dive into the heat
and think that maybe
it can teach me a thing or two

(about making right decisions
and sticktoitivenessd. . .minus me)

we had fun and i cried
i burned for someone
who couldn't even light for me

so as the blaze simmers down
i wave goodbye to her
i knew her well, but he's long gone
the fire gave way to
fertile land

I've been in a lazy mood.

Hi beautiful people,

I am writing to you from my bed. I have been in and out of it since about one or two this afternoon. I've been spending most of my time watching "Doctor Who". I am addicted to it thanks to the boy. He let me borrow one series (or season in the States) of it that he got from his first mate. It's a British television show about time travel. It's really adventurous, campy, and smart. I miss London. My adventures there (about three years ago now!) were timeless. I still wear a lot of the clothes I bought while I was there. I always have a part of that place with me.

I've been a little lazy lately. I have been working out somewhat regularly and trying not to be too much of a pig, but other than that, I've been more than happy to sit on my ass watching television. I'm not even reading that much right now. I just don't feel like it.

I am still on the hunt for a part-time or full-time job to supplement my income. Mainly just to pay bills. I have no interest in starting a "career" here. After interviewing for the job in NYC (which I still haven't heard back from!I might not until after the Holidays!), I realize how badly I want to work there. I really want to work more in the music industry. I will always have writing, you know? I don't know. Talking to some of my friends who aren't broke, who are advancing in their careers and what not, makes me feel really shitty. Envious, even. I wish I was financially in great shape to buy "extras" and to comfortably cover my overhead at the least. I don't even have that. I mean, I'm happy. I love my part-time job I have no at the Club, but it just ain't paying the bills. Why does this have to be so hard?

At least I can justify sitting on my ass and playing on my computer because I'm not spending any money. :)

Yesterday I spent some time at the library doing research. I had an epiphany. It's this weird energy that I get when I'm there amongst books sometimes. It's like they are things that people have filled with special thoughts and information that they want the world to see and it affects me. I know I sound like a looney chick, but I just get positive energy from libraries.

ANYWAY- so here's what I jotted down:

"I have this baby inside of me that has been waiting to be birthed for some time. Before I wanted to be a famous rockstar even. (I've always thought performing on stage is my dream, and I still do, but I haven't done so in YEARS!) I want to represent women and girls, give them hope, let them love themselves, live better lives. I can't explain it. I see it. I feel it. I just need it to come to fruition. I'm open and I recieve it. 11/19/08"

Blah. It sucks not knowing the next step.


Well, I'm off to continue watching "Doctor Who". Until next time . . .

A

RIP TRL

So I just watched over 2 hrs of MTV (something I haven't done in a very long time), more specifically, of TRL (something I haven't done in an even LONGER time). I remember the first episode when I was in high school. I remember the mom and dad of the show MTV Live and Total Request. It started the careers of so many big-name artists of today. I'm getting a little sad watching the end. Who'd have thunk it??

Also, I have been watching Doctor Who all day. My boyfriend lent me Season 2 on DVD and I'm hooked. So good!

Also, I need money like WHOA. Ugh. Story of my life . . . Everything will be alright, I'm sure.

Eminem on TRL with Carson Daly? Hello 2000!

What a lovely, lazy Sunday.

Past-life regression

Sometimes my past comes back to haunt me for inexplicable reasons. Past friendships, relationships, hurt, experiences, feelings, etc. etc. It's bizarre because the past exists only in my mind and everything I feel when think of the past is just based on an illusion. It's easy to re-imagine the past and let go, and I think I've done it for the most part, but sometimes it just comes back when I let my guard down. And I don't like it one bit.

Even writing this right now is not doing me any good, really. I was about to write about a bunch of things that keep popping in my head, but the idea of writing it all down kind of makes me depressed. It's giving life to these thoughts and memories that I need to let go of. So here I am . . .letting go.

It's amazing what positive thoughts and energy can do. Truly.

Let go.

Like me for me

In a lot of romantic relationships I've been in, and even platonic relationships, I've gotten the feeling that the other person has wanted to change something about me. I've felt like I had to do some convincing of some sort for that person to want to be with me, even as a friend. In my truest and most comfortable relationships, that's not the case. In those awesome relationships, I feel as though I can just be myself, whoever that person may be at any given time. I can be neurotic, dorky, sleepy, moody or whatever, because guess what? That's me sometimes. No pretenses. No judgements. Just plain ol' me.

You know, it's occurred to me that this could all just be in my head. Maybe no one feels these certain ways about me. Maybe I'm putting all this undue pressure on myself for some unknown reason. I want to get to the point where I can just be.

There are changes being discussed in my current romantic relationship and it's to the point where I have to "sell" my partner on a certain idea or dream for him (or for me?). I feel very uncomfortable doing this because it doesn't seem right. He should want something for himself. Anyway, I've been there before. I've been in such unhealthy, hurtful relationships that made me feel as though I wasn't good enough because the other person didn't feel a certain way. I've thought, "Maybe if I was less this, he'd be more into me. Maybe if I was more like this, he'd be sure of things."

I'm tired of trying to convince people to do things. Right now I'm waiting to get a job offer and it's tiresome waiting for their decision. I just want to be accepted for who I am. I'm tired of convincing people of things.

In other news, I did yoga yesterday for the first time in months. I also had amazing workouts for a few days in a row and I'm feeling so much better about myself. I need more yoga in my life.

Real Housewives of Atlanta

Well, as the title suggests, this post is primarily going to be about The Real Housewives of Atlanta. But, before I get there, here's a few other things I've been wanting to blog about for sometime . . .

To start off, my freaking laptop battery has the shortest life ever. I've had my Apple PowerBook for over three years, so maybe it's time for a little tune up. I don't even know what that requires. I'm going to do some research and maybe add that to my Christmas List this year. I also need another iPod as my sound is completely out on the right side. This never happened with my other iPods. I like the new colorful Nanos. I like the purple one.

Also, I'm still waiting to hear back about the fantastic job in NYC. I'm getting nervous and I'm even getting a little weird about blogging about it until it's a reality. Don't wanna jinx anything. I'm beginning to lose hope . . .not good. Also, I'm selling my car. I just can't afford the payments any more. So basically, I have to get this job in NYC.

Okay, so back to the original purpose of my blog. Have you SEEN this season of The Real Housewives? Now, I loved me some Real Housewives of NYC more than the OC one because I felt like I could relate a little more to the East Coast chicks. NOW THERE ARE BLACK PEOPLE ON BRAVO and I'm like, WHOA! I can relate even more. Well, not really. I'm not a housewife. I'm not in my 30s or 40s. (Well, "Housewife" Kim is apparently 29?????) I'm not rich. So really all I have in common with these women (except Kim) is the melanin in my skin. Oh well. Anyway, I love this. The cattiness. It's out of control amazing TV.

My feelings about each housewife will be in the corresponding font color of the dress that the are wearing in this photo. (I'm going to have to do something special for Lisa and Sheree since they are wearing the same color though.)

NENE- So, Anderson Cooper likes her breasts! Ha, they are a bit out of control, but Nene is fabulous. She's opinionated, funny and I think she's a great friend. Her drunken song about Kim's singing abilities (or lack thereof ) and true age was funny and quite true. Not the nicest thing to do, but there was nothing horrible about it. Also, she's obviously hurt because Kim has betrayed her friendship by siding with Sheree. Nene's family issues make her real and relatable. She is a good mom and is involved. She's my favorite housewife.

DaShawn- She is so sweet! Her voice is a little nasally for my tastes, but she seems innocent, kind-hearted and positive. I like her. Nothing else really going on with her. Except maybe she's a little spoiled as evidenced by her hiring so much "help" for her "estate."

Lisa- Lisa is all about BUSINESS and she'll tell you that about five times throughout each episode. She's always networking, coming up with business strategies and having classy gatherings at her home.But, hey! At least the girl WORKS! Unlike most of these other chicks. But she's one dimensional. There's nothing to latch on to. She needs to give us more!

Sheree- Well, Sheree gets one of the ugliest colors because . . .well, if you saw the show you'd know why. She sucks. She's sort of a bitch and not because she's so beautiful . . .but because she's so cold and bitchy. She's probably gotten all she wanted from people, but she's missing something. I can't get all deep on this because I don't even know her, but I'm sick of her claiming every one's a "hater." She claims that she has it all and that Nene is jealous and unhappy inside. Honey, look in the mirror. At least her children seem very sweet and maybe there's still hope for them! And her friendship with Kim? Uhhhhh.

Kim- So I saved the best for last. Kim is a divorced chain-smoker who has botox every six months, with two daughters and an elusive rich boyfriend named Big Poppa who buys her anything she wants, including studio time with producer Dallas Austin. YUP! I can't hate on her. I'd love to be a singer too and I think it's great she's going for her dreams. She is also a sweet person, it seems. She is trusting of everyone and pretty naive. She is TOTALLY being manipulated by Sheree. She's a little narcissistic and self-involved, too. That being said, I don't hate her. I just think she looks WAY older than 29 and should pay more attention to her children. She should also stop chain smoking, but also in front of them. Also, she should get a job or a passion instead of letting a man pay for everything. He owns a part of her. If he decides to leave her, what else will she have? It's not teaching her children much. That's all.

So enough of my delicious gossiping. I'm done. It's just fun to indulge every once in a while.

So, America has a new President who is intelligent, diplomatic and charismatic. I'm truly so glad this election is over and I'm also glad I didn't blog about it. I did enough reading and talking about it to last a lifetime. Hurray for Senator Obama and hurray for the USA. FINALLY!

I have a headache . . .

I gave up coffee last week. It's actually not all that hard to avoid it, but I definitely miss the warm cup in my hand in the morning, especially now that the mornings are getting colder. I'm not giving it up forever, but I just wanted to take a break from it. I decided to go the extra mile and give up ALL caffeine. Yikes, I didn't realize how much caffeine I drank until I gave it up. I sleep better at night, that's for sure. I get really tired around 9 or 10pm though.

I was thinking of trying tea as an alternative, but I figure I can give my teeth a break from being stained if I avoid warm, dark beverages all together. So no dark teas for me. I had mint tea the other morning and that was pretty good.

I don't enjoy green tea, no matter how good it is for me. I used to be able to drink it just because it's supposed to be so healthy and good for me, but one day I realized I just didn't even like it. It's sort of the same thing that happened with plum tomatoes and croutons in salad for me. I just got used to eating it, but didn't truly WANT it. So I stopped eating them.

What else in my life do I do "just because" without thinking about it and that I don't truly need? What else could I use a break from?

What I've Learned About Love 10/10/08 . . .

Love has taught me that not everyone has bad ulterior motives. Not everything is from a bad place. Love is not always critical. My boy is not from a bad place. He's so good, so positive, so optimistic. It's beautiful and is teaching me so much about mankind and myself. I'm growing all the time. I'm trying. I love him and our love is something I am so thankful I've been able to experience.

The only one I'm fighting in this relationship is myself and it's weird for me. I keep looking for a fight, but there just isn't one there. It breaks my heart that I could scar him in any way or hurt him. I want to be good, if only for him. If only to preserve his goodness.

Thats what I've learned.

What a difference a week makes . . .

Things are infinitely better today than they were last weekend. I have gone a terrific job interview and I am in talks for another amazing job in NYC that I want so badly it hurts. Life is looking so much better for me.

Of course I still have issues. I love my boyfriend so much and so badly that it frightens me (I don't want to end it with him). I have gained about 5-10 pounds in the past 5 months. I am still in debt. I need braces. I can't get to the gym when I want. It's endless . . .

But I feel so much better right now. More in control.

Thanks.

Annabelle Blue feeling a little blue . . .PART 2

I am really getting sick of working at the Club. Seriously. Driving all the way down there is not fun anymore. I like what I'm doing now at the Club and working less there, so that's good. I just have no desire to get all wrapped up in it anymore.

I am embarrassed about only working there right now. People think I don't know what I'm doing with my life and it's true. It makes me feel like utter shit that people think I'm so lost and sad because I'm not making lots of money and super "successful" in whatever sense of the word they use to define it. It makes me wanna cry and if I knew what to do to prove them wrong and still be HAPPY with myself, my God, I'd be all about it . . .but I don't know.

I'm kind of embarrassed around my boyfriend's family because I know how they feel about his career choice and life right now . . .and I'm at the same place he is. I know they like me, but I can't help but get upset at what they might think about my aimlessness in life right now.

I also have something else that is sort of unrelated that has been picking at my brain, too.

I AM SO STRESSED RIGHT NOW! Godddddddddddddddd. I hate feeling this way. :(

Annabelle Blue is feeling a little blue . . .

Hi faithful readers,

So, I'm feeling extremely shitty about things right now. Really. It's been a year since I quit my solid (and grossly unsatisfying) 9 to 5(:30) gig in search of myself, what I truly wanted and freedom. I am WORLDS happier than I was then, but sadly, I've come upon the realization that I'm just as lost. And still pretty confused. Oh yeah, and very, very broke.

My guy's birthday is Wednesday and I want to do something very special because this is an important birthday for him and guess what? I'm broke. I can't afford the things I want to do. He just moved back home with his parents and I'm living at home right now, too, so things are just rough and awkward and hard. Just plain and simply, things are harder and more difficult. (If you know what I'm saying . . .) We live so far away from each other and seeing each other requires spending money on gas, usually food and other things. A lot of times neither of us wants to make the drive and when we end up meeting somewhere to hang out we're usually at a loss about what to do.

He's going through a roughish time right now with figuring out what he wants to do, too. It just can't work with both of us in the same rut. Or maybe it can? I just don't know.

I love him, I truly do, and it's very hard to imagine that maybe if I wasn't in a relationship, I'd be more gung-ho about moving away, chasing whatever dreams I have and what not.

I just feel stuck.

He makes me so happy and I don't want to lose him. But, I just don't know what the fuck I'm doing anymore. Every fucking job I get and apply for makes me unhappy. The only satisfying thing about them is that I'd be making more money and I'd be able to move out. Forget about the bills upon bills that I need to pay. Never mind the fact that I don't really want to live in DC for another two years while I go to grad school here. I love working at the Club I work at, but it's by no means a career and I can't even SUPPORT myself as-is by working there. I just don't know anymore . . .

I still want to live in NYC. I don't know about going to school there, but it is a dream I've had. I love NYC and want to get there. If I could find a job there that I like, who's to say I shouldn't go there? Try it again. Although I still have doubts about that as well.

And grad school . . .really? Will that help me? I want to do it, but at this point, it's financially stupid. Especially without the guarantee that I won't be at the same place I am now. And what am I going to do while I'm working on school. I can't live at home and go to school. I'll have to work full-time again to support myself. And what about my relationship?

Simply put: I have no idea what to do. I'm looking for jobs left and right. I'm applying to a grad school program in Washington, DC. I'm hoping to move out by November. I've got lots of debt (student loan debt, medical bills, car, bills from my LAST apartment). My credit is shit.

God, I just need help. I need guidance. I need money. I need a career. I hate being so needy, but I am right now. Maybe putting this all out in the Universe will help somehow.

Just Checking In . . .

So it's around 3:00pm on a Saturday which I still find myself in bed. I didn't get home from work until 2am last night and had another late night the night before, too. It's weird how one night of work until 2 or 3 can mess me up for about two days afterwards. My sleep/energy level is so particular.

Today my only mission was to hang out with one of my friends and write an article. So far I've got none of those things accomplished. I was on the phone talking to a few friends for a couple of hours, went to the bank and took a nap. Now I'm going to try to eat a little lunch and write.

I can't wait until my contract is up with Verizon and I get a new phone. I'm looking at the Samsung Glide. I want a Qwerty keyboard really bad. I'm also looking at the LG Voyager. I love LGs. They're awesome phones.

On another note, I am still job hunting. I think I'm going to FINALLY get around the dream board I've been meaning to create for months. It's been so long since I had a low-key Saturday alone. :)

'Till next time . . .

i wanna start a magazine for girls and women to read and not feel bad about themselves. i don't want it to be all about sex, starving yourself and buying shit.

i want it to be something i woul dlike to read.

i don't want my readers to feel like they have to change themselves. basically, i want an "o" magazine for younger people like me. to inspire. to help. to enhance.

something i wish i could have read or still read even.

i know what makes me happiest.