I had an epiphany today. I am so not relationship material.
I keep wondering why boys that I like never want to be in a relationship with me and how I can never find the right guy and I've come upon the conclusion that I'm so not ready for it.
I know, I know, I'm 23. I'm not getting any younger. I just don't have my fucking shit together. I am a complete mess in every way imaginable. Seriously. I am not ready to take on someone else's bullshit along with my own.
What's the point of crying about boys not wanting to be with me? Most of the boys I want to be with aren't boys that are relationship material anyway. The latest one I wasn't even that into, but I forced myself into it because I was way attracted to him, but did I want to BE with him? I don't know. I can't compete with his computer, his car and weed. That's what took up his time.
As I've said to my friends, give me 5 guys who are all the same in every way except one has a girlfriend, one is a pothead and the other three are single and ready to mingle. I will go for the one with the girlfriend, hands down. Next I'll try the one who's a pothead. Then I might date the single ones, but eventually end it.
WHY?
Because I'm not ready to commit. I'm comfortable with being turned down and being single. I'm okay thinking I'm ugly and undesirable, which is sad. I know I'm neither, but I also know I'm having too much damn fun being single and a mess. I want to date around. I want to have fun. I want to experience life. I want nothing to hold me back, especially no fucking whiny ass guy who has mood swings and makes me feel like shit for no apparent reason. Who wants that?
Don't feel bad for me. This is a very important and uplifting realization. It's empowering.
I am not where I want to be emotionally, career wise, financially, physically, life wise . . .Basically in every way. I am not ready for the commitment.
Who says you have to have a boyfriend? I want one, who doesn't want a soul mate, but I kind of like being single.
I would like to experience true love and happiness and all that jazz, but why force it? I'm going to work with what I have.
So my concentration is my career in 2008 and to continue my personal growth. I have gotten a little thrown off with that whole thing for the past couple of months, but I'm back.
I am looking for freelance writing jobs and finally buckling down with it. By the end of 2008 I hope to be living on my own and have a more straightforward career plan.
Have a good weekend, y'all!
(Side note: I cut my hair short and I love it.)
Showing posts with label hair. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hair. Show all posts
Saturday, January 5, 2008
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
As time passes by . . .
Tonight, while blow-drying my hair (And burning my arm! Don't ask how . . .I'm just clumsy enough to do so), I thought of a classmate from high school who had the skin on her face burned from getting a relaxer. I became pretty good friends with her at one point, but I've lost touch.
It made me think of other "friends" from high school I've lost touch with and how they are merely "characters" to me and less real people anymore. I have changed and grown so much over the past few years to the point where I feel as though I'm a different person sometimes. When I run into these old classmates, I'm brought back to a place I once was, but completely objectively. It's weird. People are starting to become fictionalized in the story of my life now.
And my hair is my natural color again, there are no chemicals trying to "relax" my curls anymore and it's refreshing. I feel like I'm maturing (thanks to the one lone gray hair on my head!) and, at the same time, returning back to who I really am.
I feel free.
It made me think of other "friends" from high school I've lost touch with and how they are merely "characters" to me and less real people anymore. I have changed and grown so much over the past few years to the point where I feel as though I'm a different person sometimes. When I run into these old classmates, I'm brought back to a place I once was, but completely objectively. It's weird. People are starting to become fictionalized in the story of my life now.
And my hair is my natural color again, there are no chemicals trying to "relax" my curls anymore and it's refreshing. I feel like I'm maturing (thanks to the one lone gray hair on my head!) and, at the same time, returning back to who I really am.
I feel free.
Sunday, November 11, 2007
Letter from the Editor (or Writer)
Good morning!
Here I am in bed, making no rush to get my ass to the gym. I really don't feel like it. I'd rather do stuff around the house that needs doing. I was also supposed to do lunch with a friend, but I'm not sure about that either. I think I need a little "me time" before work tonight.
Yesterday I got my hair trimmed on a whim. I've been thinking about it for awhile, but I'm trying to grow my hair out. The problem was that I couldn't even wear my hair down because it was soooooo uneven and I had so many split ends. So I got a trim and, OF COURSE, she cut too much. But at least it looks better down now. I just get so mad now when I get my hair trimmed because I know it's "just hair," but what gives a hair stylist the right to just chop it off if you didn't ask for it to be done? Ugh.
I also saw Ani DiFranco in concert last night. She played at a symphony hall, which was beautiful. I love symphony halls. It made me nostalgic for singing when I was young in various halls and going to plays in London. I need to take more advantage of the cultural happenings in Washington, DC and Baltimore . . .
Anyway, Ani DiFranco was just as amazing as you'd expect. It was my first time seeing her, so I was very excited. She is also playing at 9:30 Club this Friday, but it'll be a whole different atmosphere. At the concert last night, we all had assigned seats, which we were all seated in and the fucking couple in front of me kept on making out and hugging! I couldn't see over the guys head, so I had to move when they moved. We couldn't sing along with Ani because my friend said that Ani doesn't like it because it takes her away from the place she was when she wrote it. That is so true, especially with her very, very personal and specific to place and time lyrics. This all made for a very different concert going experience for me, but very nice (except for the couple in front of me). Ani is amazing.
Why are some lesbians so hateful towards straight people, particularly (obviously) men. I just don't get it. Why are they so angry? I'm sure there are some happy lesbians who don't hate men or heterosexuality, but some of them are just as close-minded and judgmental as homophobic assholes. Case in point, I went to the bathroom and two girls were talking about the "annoying" STRAIGHT couple who were shouting things out" during the concert. Why did you need to add that they were straight? How is that relevant to the story? Well, duh, because straight couples are obnoxious and loud, that's why! And they think they're better than everyone else because they're straight! And why in the hell are they at Ani DiFranco because ONLY lesbians like her! But, she's not a lesbian anymore and she's married to a man and she had his baby and that makes me SO ANGRY! Blahblahblah. I've noticed it time and time again with a lot of members of the gay community. I get it, you're gay. You don't need to be rude and make everything a gay vs straight issue. Maybe it's just that way with the younger ones that I've encountered and maybe the more evolved ones can see past the ridiculous separation that they inflict themselves.
Gay, straight, fat, thin, ugly, pretty, smart, dumb, black, white, single, married, innie, outtie . . .we're all the same, so it's so stupid to single each other out all the time.
Enjoy your Sunday, loves. ♥
A
Here I am in bed, making no rush to get my ass to the gym. I really don't feel like it. I'd rather do stuff around the house that needs doing. I was also supposed to do lunch with a friend, but I'm not sure about that either. I think I need a little "me time" before work tonight.
Yesterday I got my hair trimmed on a whim. I've been thinking about it for awhile, but I'm trying to grow my hair out. The problem was that I couldn't even wear my hair down because it was soooooo uneven and I had so many split ends. So I got a trim and, OF COURSE, she cut too much. But at least it looks better down now. I just get so mad now when I get my hair trimmed because I know it's "just hair," but what gives a hair stylist the right to just chop it off if you didn't ask for it to be done? Ugh.
I also saw Ani DiFranco in concert last night. She played at a symphony hall, which was beautiful. I love symphony halls. It made me nostalgic for singing when I was young in various halls and going to plays in London. I need to take more advantage of the cultural happenings in Washington, DC and Baltimore . . .
Anyway, Ani DiFranco was just as amazing as you'd expect. It was my first time seeing her, so I was very excited. She is also playing at 9:30 Club this Friday, but it'll be a whole different atmosphere. At the concert last night, we all had assigned seats, which we were all seated in and the fucking couple in front of me kept on making out and hugging! I couldn't see over the guys head, so I had to move when they moved. We couldn't sing along with Ani because my friend said that Ani doesn't like it because it takes her away from the place she was when she wrote it. That is so true, especially with her very, very personal and specific to place and time lyrics. This all made for a very different concert going experience for me, but very nice (except for the couple in front of me). Ani is amazing.
Why are some lesbians so hateful towards straight people, particularly (obviously) men. I just don't get it. Why are they so angry? I'm sure there are some happy lesbians who don't hate men or heterosexuality, but some of them are just as close-minded and judgmental as homophobic assholes. Case in point, I went to the bathroom and two girls were talking about the "annoying" STRAIGHT couple who were shouting things out" during the concert. Why did you need to add that they were straight? How is that relevant to the story? Well, duh, because straight couples are obnoxious and loud, that's why! And they think they're better than everyone else because they're straight! And why in the hell are they at Ani DiFranco because ONLY lesbians like her! But, she's not a lesbian anymore and she's married to a man and she had his baby and that makes me SO ANGRY! Blahblahblah. I've noticed it time and time again with a lot of members of the gay community. I get it, you're gay. You don't need to be rude and make everything a gay vs straight issue. Maybe it's just that way with the younger ones that I've encountered and maybe the more evolved ones can see past the ridiculous separation that they inflict themselves.
Gay, straight, fat, thin, ugly, pretty, smart, dumb, black, white, single, married, innie, outtie . . .we're all the same, so it's so stupid to single each other out all the time.
Enjoy your Sunday, loves. ♥
A
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
