Peace and Love

Hi guys,

Boy, do I need a change of scenery, of life, and of everything. I hate always leaving places and never being able to stay still for too long, but I just need to get away. When things aren't working out, I've got to change something. I've tried and tried to make it work, but it just isn't. I am not entirely happy right now. When will this ever present discontent ever end with me? SERIOUSLY!

I have decided to stop watching TV for awhile. I am also giving up celebrity gossip blogs for one week. It can be done! It will be ROUGH, but I think I can do it. So starting right now, no more until next Sunday. (Britney Spears is in the hospital now, so hopefully nothing exciting happens with her. Not that anything she does is ever exciting anymore anyway, but you know what I mean.)

And I am also going to stop gossiping about people in real life. I know that us girls naturally do so, but it's so empty and pointless. I used to do that shit, but I've grown out of it . . .I thought. But sometimes I get thrown back into the mix. It has to stop and it's stopping now.

I need to sleep. I haven't had a good night's sleep in awhile. I've been waking up feeling groggy and out of it. Not a good look. I also emotionally feel drained when I don't sleep. And I feel ugly. And I end up eating a lot, so then I feel fat.

Did I mention I'm severely sexually frustrated? AND THE ONE GUY . . . yeah, he isn't feeling it. How depressing. Story of my life.

So now I'm off to shower and finish "The Other Boleyn Girl" finally. Then hopefully I will nap. I worked out for two hours today and I'm exhausted.

Tomorrow I have another job interview and I find out about the children's gym instructor position on Tuesday. And I have to plot my interview for the staffing agency in NYC, too.

Things are finally picking up for me and I'm even more confused about it all now.

♥,
A

FYI

Is everyone really just depressed most of the time?

I keep running into people that are depressed and I want to help them so much, but I feel as though some people find it annoying and are offended by it. Some people don't perceive my happiness and positivity as a good thing or even a genuine thing.

I am a positive person, but I have dark moods sometimes, too. I get down. I think it's all about the way in which you handle your issues.

I cannot be around perpetually negative, depressed, and sad people. It brings me down and it doesn't do me (or anyone else) any good. Maybe I'm inconsiderate and not very compassionate, but I can't deal with it. I want them to be happy, but I can't handle being around the sadness all the time. Especially when they don't try to help themselves. Some people are just more comfortable being unhappy, I suppose. Again, I believe we should be allowed to be upset, but when you don't try to make things better, that's when I have a problem.

Let me just keep singing along in my happy, positive little world.

Edit: Tonight I said something really alarming to my friends . . .it shocked me how cruel it sounded. But I said, if you're not living your life and doing what makes you happy, you're basically a waste of space. Isn't that horribly insensitive and stupid of me to say?

I'm a Dating Whore

I have a late lunch/early dinner date today with a co-worker of mine at The 9:30 Club. I know he's into me and he's made it quite clear. I am not that interested in him, although he is SUCH a nice guy and I reeeeeeally enjoy spending time with him. I just love going on dates and I really like to get to know people. I almost NEVER decline an invitation to a date. I'm what you might call a "dating whore."

Usually these "dates" do not end up with a kiss. I always go into these situations thinking they are platonic, even though part of me knows that no one really dates "platonically." (I also know that this particular guy wants something more.) Some people might think I am leading these poor guys on, but to me, I could become interested in them romantically, right? But I rarely do.

I just really enjoy the actual act of dating . . .particularly if it's low-stress. I've dated a lot of guys, some of which only consisted of one date, but some lasted for several. I prefer to date around and learn as many guys as I can. I love going to different restaurants and trying new things. I'm also a "new experience whore."

If things get too serious or if the guy start expecting some physical action, then the less-than-fun part of "the talk" comes and I have to explain the "just friends" part and often that translates to, in the boy's mind, "Let's just keep it physical. No emotions!" Once I say "no" to that, his attitude becomes: "Fuck you, bitch. You're a waste of my time!"

It happens time and time again. I'd rather the guy be angry with me than hurt because when I hurt them, it makes me feel awful. Then I might give them a pity make-out session to make them happy again.

I'm really not as cold and manipulative as it may seem. It's all rather innocent. I just thoroughly enjoy hanging out with new boys. What's so wrong with that?