On Finding a Job and Stuff

The economy sucks. I've got bills for days. I've got to put gas in my car. And I don't want to get a real job just to pay for these things.

I just finished looking on employment websites for a job and it all makes me sick. Every ad I saw made me want to throw up because they were all things I just don't want to do.

I. just. don't. want. to. do. it.

I'm not proud of this stubbornness or this broke-ness I've experienced as a result of said stubbornness . . .not at all. I just physically, mentally and emotionally CAN'T DO IT.

I try not to beat myself up over it, but it's hard when I'm going to be 24 in a couple of weeks and you still, for the most part, have no set career path. I'm open to getting a good music job with the Club and I'm open to getting a staff writing position. I'm just so damn confused.

I have a part-time day job that I don't hate, but it's such BS and is NO WAY a career. It's a small, friendly office and I do pretty basic things, but my brain is not being challenged at all. To be honest, it's a tad bit insulting to my intelligence when someone has to pretty much remind me of how to alphabetize something.

I don't even want to move out in DC. Sometimes I do, but why would I put up with a shitty job just for the sake of living downtown? I know me. I know I'll be a bad employee and I know I'll be complaining about my job to everyone I encounter. I don't know if I can do that again.

I'm STRONGLY considering grad school. Like, it's probably going to happen. Scary as hell, but it's something I know I have to do. It's something I feel extremely compelled to do. It's something I want to do. I've had this plan for years, but now, finally, two years after graduating from college, I'm going to get serious about it.

It annoys me when people ask me what I want to do. When people think I lack direction. When people think I have no idea what I want or what I'm doing.

I'm so much more than my career choice.

Shit, is everyone as depressed over money and as broke as I am?

I've always said politics matter, but they don't directly affect my everyday life. WRONG! GEORGE W. BUSH SUCKS! THANKS FOR AFFECTING MY EVERY DAY LIFE DECISIONS WITH YOUR EVIL OIL TYCOON WAYS AND LACK OF CONCERN FOR THE LITTLE PEOPLE! Way to fucking go!

I'm back!

So after over two months I've decided to start posting again. I mean, don't get me wrong, I totally enjoyed my little break from the blog, but I miss it. Terribly. The new blog just wasn't doing it for me and there is something to be said about writing under a pseudonym and being able to really say what you feel. The mask definitely helps with honesty.

I am still going to maintain the other blog, but more for professional writing purposes. You can still check it out on the "Annabelle Loves" section of this blog.

On to other things . . .

I miss my friends.

I feel a bit out of touch with my friends. For the past month I've been extremely busy with work and my new boyfriend. Yesterday I got really upset thinking about how no has invited me to do anything lately. I have a girl's night next week to see the SATC movie, but other than that, I don't know when I will see anyone. My birthday is coming up and I hate to be all in touch with people and have them think it's just so I can have them celebrate with me. I just feel like a shitty friend sometimes. I'm a very social person and am generally pretty dependent and energized by my friendships, so without my girls, I feel a bit odd.

I always start feeling like this around my birthday. I start questioning myself and my relationships. That's just what happens.

Anyway, I'm off to shower and organize my desk a little bit. Talk soon.

L<3ve.>