I've been in a lazy mood.

Hi beautiful people,

I am writing to you from my bed. I have been in and out of it since about one or two this afternoon. I've been spending most of my time watching "Doctor Who". I am addicted to it thanks to the boy. He let me borrow one series (or season in the States) of it that he got from his first mate. It's a British television show about time travel. It's really adventurous, campy, and smart. I miss London. My adventures there (about three years ago now!) were timeless. I still wear a lot of the clothes I bought while I was there. I always have a part of that place with me.

I've been a little lazy lately. I have been working out somewhat regularly and trying not to be too much of a pig, but other than that, I've been more than happy to sit on my ass watching television. I'm not even reading that much right now. I just don't feel like it.

I am still on the hunt for a part-time or full-time job to supplement my income. Mainly just to pay bills. I have no interest in starting a "career" here. After interviewing for the job in NYC (which I still haven't heard back from!I might not until after the Holidays!), I realize how badly I want to work there. I really want to work more in the music industry. I will always have writing, you know? I don't know. Talking to some of my friends who aren't broke, who are advancing in their careers and what not, makes me feel really shitty. Envious, even. I wish I was financially in great shape to buy "extras" and to comfortably cover my overhead at the least. I don't even have that. I mean, I'm happy. I love my part-time job I have no at the Club, but it just ain't paying the bills. Why does this have to be so hard?

At least I can justify sitting on my ass and playing on my computer because I'm not spending any money. :)

Yesterday I spent some time at the library doing research. I had an epiphany. It's this weird energy that I get when I'm there amongst books sometimes. It's like they are things that people have filled with special thoughts and information that they want the world to see and it affects me. I know I sound like a looney chick, but I just get positive energy from libraries.

ANYWAY- so here's what I jotted down:

"I have this baby inside of me that has been waiting to be birthed for some time. Before I wanted to be a famous rockstar even. (I've always thought performing on stage is my dream, and I still do, but I haven't done so in YEARS!) I want to represent women and girls, give them hope, let them love themselves, live better lives. I can't explain it. I see it. I feel it. I just need it to come to fruition. I'm open and I recieve it. 11/19/08"

Blah. It sucks not knowing the next step.


Well, I'm off to continue watching "Doctor Who". Until next time . . .

A

RIP TRL

So I just watched over 2 hrs of MTV (something I haven't done in a very long time), more specifically, of TRL (something I haven't done in an even LONGER time). I remember the first episode when I was in high school. I remember the mom and dad of the show MTV Live and Total Request. It started the careers of so many big-name artists of today. I'm getting a little sad watching the end. Who'd have thunk it??

Also, I have been watching Doctor Who all day. My boyfriend lent me Season 2 on DVD and I'm hooked. So good!

Also, I need money like WHOA. Ugh. Story of my life . . . Everything will be alright, I'm sure.

Eminem on TRL with Carson Daly? Hello 2000!

What a lovely, lazy Sunday.

Past-life regression

Sometimes my past comes back to haunt me for inexplicable reasons. Past friendships, relationships, hurt, experiences, feelings, etc. etc. It's bizarre because the past exists only in my mind and everything I feel when think of the past is just based on an illusion. It's easy to re-imagine the past and let go, and I think I've done it for the most part, but sometimes it just comes back when I let my guard down. And I don't like it one bit.

Even writing this right now is not doing me any good, really. I was about to write about a bunch of things that keep popping in my head, but the idea of writing it all down kind of makes me depressed. It's giving life to these thoughts and memories that I need to let go of. So here I am . . .letting go.

It's amazing what positive thoughts and energy can do. Truly.

Let go.

Like me for me

In a lot of romantic relationships I've been in, and even platonic relationships, I've gotten the feeling that the other person has wanted to change something about me. I've felt like I had to do some convincing of some sort for that person to want to be with me, even as a friend. In my truest and most comfortable relationships, that's not the case. In those awesome relationships, I feel as though I can just be myself, whoever that person may be at any given time. I can be neurotic, dorky, sleepy, moody or whatever, because guess what? That's me sometimes. No pretenses. No judgements. Just plain ol' me.

You know, it's occurred to me that this could all just be in my head. Maybe no one feels these certain ways about me. Maybe I'm putting all this undue pressure on myself for some unknown reason. I want to get to the point where I can just be.

There are changes being discussed in my current romantic relationship and it's to the point where I have to "sell" my partner on a certain idea or dream for him (or for me?). I feel very uncomfortable doing this because it doesn't seem right. He should want something for himself. Anyway, I've been there before. I've been in such unhealthy, hurtful relationships that made me feel as though I wasn't good enough because the other person didn't feel a certain way. I've thought, "Maybe if I was less this, he'd be more into me. Maybe if I was more like this, he'd be sure of things."

I'm tired of trying to convince people to do things. Right now I'm waiting to get a job offer and it's tiresome waiting for their decision. I just want to be accepted for who I am. I'm tired of convincing people of things.

In other news, I did yoga yesterday for the first time in months. I also had amazing workouts for a few days in a row and I'm feeling so much better about myself. I need more yoga in my life.

Real Housewives of Atlanta

Well, as the title suggests, this post is primarily going to be about The Real Housewives of Atlanta. But, before I get there, here's a few other things I've been wanting to blog about for sometime . . .

To start off, my freaking laptop battery has the shortest life ever. I've had my Apple PowerBook for over three years, so maybe it's time for a little tune up. I don't even know what that requires. I'm going to do some research and maybe add that to my Christmas List this year. I also need another iPod as my sound is completely out on the right side. This never happened with my other iPods. I like the new colorful Nanos. I like the purple one.

Also, I'm still waiting to hear back about the fantastic job in NYC. I'm getting nervous and I'm even getting a little weird about blogging about it until it's a reality. Don't wanna jinx anything. I'm beginning to lose hope . . .not good. Also, I'm selling my car. I just can't afford the payments any more. So basically, I have to get this job in NYC.

Okay, so back to the original purpose of my blog. Have you SEEN this season of The Real Housewives? Now, I loved me some Real Housewives of NYC more than the OC one because I felt like I could relate a little more to the East Coast chicks. NOW THERE ARE BLACK PEOPLE ON BRAVO and I'm like, WHOA! I can relate even more. Well, not really. I'm not a housewife. I'm not in my 30s or 40s. (Well, "Housewife" Kim is apparently 29?????) I'm not rich. So really all I have in common with these women (except Kim) is the melanin in my skin. Oh well. Anyway, I love this. The cattiness. It's out of control amazing TV.

My feelings about each housewife will be in the corresponding font color of the dress that the are wearing in this photo. (I'm going to have to do something special for Lisa and Sheree since they are wearing the same color though.)

NENE- So, Anderson Cooper likes her breasts! Ha, they are a bit out of control, but Nene is fabulous. She's opinionated, funny and I think she's a great friend. Her drunken song about Kim's singing abilities (or lack thereof ) and true age was funny and quite true. Not the nicest thing to do, but there was nothing horrible about it. Also, she's obviously hurt because Kim has betrayed her friendship by siding with Sheree. Nene's family issues make her real and relatable. She is a good mom and is involved. She's my favorite housewife.

DaShawn- She is so sweet! Her voice is a little nasally for my tastes, but she seems innocent, kind-hearted and positive. I like her. Nothing else really going on with her. Except maybe she's a little spoiled as evidenced by her hiring so much "help" for her "estate."

Lisa- Lisa is all about BUSINESS and she'll tell you that about five times throughout each episode. She's always networking, coming up with business strategies and having classy gatherings at her home.But, hey! At least the girl WORKS! Unlike most of these other chicks. But she's one dimensional. There's nothing to latch on to. She needs to give us more!

Sheree- Well, Sheree gets one of the ugliest colors because . . .well, if you saw the show you'd know why. She sucks. She's sort of a bitch and not because she's so beautiful . . .but because she's so cold and bitchy. She's probably gotten all she wanted from people, but she's missing something. I can't get all deep on this because I don't even know her, but I'm sick of her claiming every one's a "hater." She claims that she has it all and that Nene is jealous and unhappy inside. Honey, look in the mirror. At least her children seem very sweet and maybe there's still hope for them! And her friendship with Kim? Uhhhhh.

Kim- So I saved the best for last. Kim is a divorced chain-smoker who has botox every six months, with two daughters and an elusive rich boyfriend named Big Poppa who buys her anything she wants, including studio time with producer Dallas Austin. YUP! I can't hate on her. I'd love to be a singer too and I think it's great she's going for her dreams. She is also a sweet person, it seems. She is trusting of everyone and pretty naive. She is TOTALLY being manipulated by Sheree. She's a little narcissistic and self-involved, too. That being said, I don't hate her. I just think she looks WAY older than 29 and should pay more attention to her children. She should also stop chain smoking, but also in front of them. Also, she should get a job or a passion instead of letting a man pay for everything. He owns a part of her. If he decides to leave her, what else will she have? It's not teaching her children much. That's all.

So enough of my delicious gossiping. I'm done. It's just fun to indulge every once in a while.

So, America has a new President who is intelligent, diplomatic and charismatic. I'm truly so glad this election is over and I'm also glad I didn't blog about it. I did enough reading and talking about it to last a lifetime. Hurray for Senator Obama and hurray for the USA. FINALLY!