FYI and WTF All in One: My Personality Disorder Test

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid Disorder:	Moderate
Schizoid Disorder:	Moderate
Schizotypal Disorder:	Very High
Antisocial Disorder:	Low
Borderline Disorder:	Moderate
Histrionic Disorder:	Moderate
Narcissistic Disorder:	Moderate
Avoidant Disorder:	High
Dependent Disorder:	High
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder:	Moderate
-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! -- -- Personality Disorders --

all i can do is lol at this. i have a schizotypal disorder. lovely. lol!

edit: so i did a little research on schizotypal personalities and i meet the qualification of having been teased relentlessly as a child. it taught me to not entirely truth others and i learned to rely on myself a lot. interesting . . .

Drunk. (Homegirl needs a shrink!)

Okay, so I'm still really hung over right now. I will edit this once I sober up . . .or maybe I won't. I'm posting it now anyway.

I got REALLY wasted after work last night and started being a little bit crazy. The guy that I used to be interested in was there, so you can only imagine what happened. I told him not to be awkward with me anymore and he said he wasn't and that I was just being self-conscious. He's right, sorta. I guess what I meant to say is that I miss him being "into" me or at least pretending to be. So did I let it go? NO! I was rude to him and spiteful. I told him I didn't want to be known as "The Weird Girl Who Had A Crush on ##!!$#$" and everyone laughed because I was drunk and ridiculous. And then I said, "I don't even think I did like him . . .I just wanted to make out with him." Yes, I went there.

The truth is, he doesn't make it awkward. (Well, he has been weird with me lately, but it's probably because I've been kind of rude to him.) I make it awkward. ALL THE TIME! WITH EVERY GUY!

When we went out to eat at The Diner after the bar, I was frustrated. I wanted to say so much to him, but I couldn't. I wanted to tell him that he's so closed off and talking to him is like a brick wall. It all sort of hurts my heart and I KNOW it has no right to. He has NOTHING to do with me and THANK GOD, but I can't help but be drawn to him. Not because of how beautiful he is, but because I know his type . . .I know him. And he (and every other man I go after) is always the Unattainable Object to me. I can never have (insert latest name here), but he's always the one I want.

The Attainable Objects don't interest me. I don't care for 'em. It's self-destructive, maddening and embarrassing. I need to open myself up to love. I need to be less picky, I guess.

So I'm sitting here feeling so many things right now. Rejection isn't one of them. I feel lonely, foolish, scared, troubled, unstable, insecure, lost, and remorseful. I want comfort, love, romance, a date, passion, excitement, etc.

I know I don't belong here. I know where I belong, but being there won't fix my heart. It won't fix me getting drunk and feeling happy except for the fact that I don't have anyone to go home to or be excited about. It won't stop me from wondering why I can't meet a decent guy and have it be mutual and right.

Last night I saw these teenagers being all lovey and kissing each other during a Metal show at the club. I thought to myself, "Love comes so easily for a lot of people, why not for me? Why do I have such a hard time? Will I ever know a real relationship? Real love?" Of course it goes back to the 'rents, but it doesn't make me feel any better. I just wish it came easier for me. I wish I was able to just do it without expecting it to be fantastic and wonderful and perfect because it never is, right? And that's okay. But why do I have such idealized images and will it be the end of me?

I've never seen either of my parents in a healthy relationship. They still don't actively pursue relationships with anyone. I guess this is what I know. Loneliness and discontent in love is what I've been taught.

But I want to change. I want to accept love. I want to be in love. I want to have a healthy relationship. I need to set the example for my parents, I guess.

I guess I still want to make out with a boy, but not just any boy. I don't want it to be some random hookup with someone I don't care about. I've been trying to hold out, but it's getting harder and harder. It seems as though I'm confusing "like" for "attracted to" again . . .although I thought I categorically knew the difference. I guess I don't. Why is it all so fucking hard?

Zodiac is a good movie.

Zodiac

I just finished watching "Zodiac" starring Jake Gyllenhaal, Robert Downey, Jr. and Mark Ruffalo. Um, how did this not get nominated for an Oscar?

This was a GOOD movie. Slightly boring at parts, but the acting was superb, the direction was excellent, the writing was awesome . . .

I loved "Juno" and everything, but this was a much better film. I know they are COMPLETELY different, but I don't understand how this movie can be so overlooked.

Anyway, enjoy your day. :)

Saturday Night Free Write

Japanese art rock.

Gossip.

Loneliness.

Exhaustion.

Love life.

Smiles.

Brilliance.

Touch.

Rejection.

Lies.

Distrust.

Tongues being bitten.

Negative thoughts.

Incompassionate.

Smoking.

Feelings.

Coldness.

Insensitivity.

Apple Cider Vinegar.

Eyes.

Heavy.

Dream.

FYI

Is everyone really just depressed most of the time?

I keep running into people that are depressed and I want to help them so much, but I feel as though some people find it annoying and are offended by it. Some people don't perceive my happiness and positivity as a good thing or even a genuine thing.

I am a positive person, but I have dark moods sometimes, too. I get down. I think it's all about the way in which you handle your issues.

I cannot be around perpetually negative, depressed, and sad people. It brings me down and it doesn't do me (or anyone else) any good. Maybe I'm inconsiderate and not very compassionate, but I can't deal with it. I want them to be happy, but I can't handle being around the sadness all the time. Especially when they don't try to help themselves. Some people are just more comfortable being unhappy, I suppose. Again, I believe we should be allowed to be upset, but when you don't try to make things better, that's when I have a problem.

Let me just keep singing along in my happy, positive little world.

Edit: Tonight I said something really alarming to my friends . . .it shocked me how cruel it sounded. But I said, if you're not living your life and doing what makes you happy, you're basically a waste of space. Isn't that horribly insensitive and stupid of me to say?

Celebrities: On Heath Ledger's Death

Driving home from the gym today, I got a text from one of my friends. It said:

"Heath Ledger died today!!"

The way I found out about Anna Nicole Smith last year was the same way . . .a text. It's all so sad. And I just wanted to get home to check a celebrity blog to find out what exactly happened. It was as if this death, the death of someone I have never met and don't even know remotely, was somehow relevant in MY world. Like, how is this affecting ME? How can I write about it?

It's disgusting, if you really think about. Okay, so suppose I didn't think about what I would get out of it, the question remains why do I care about this person's death anyway? Why am I taking time out of my life to research and to even write about it this second? I have lots of shit that needs to do. (My room isn't going to clean itself.) If Heath Ledger hadn't died today, what would I be doing right now? Helping my life somehow, I'm sure. Is this really helping my life right now?

The image of Heath Ledger I have in my head is him walking on the streets of NYC with his daughter on his shoulders. It is heartbreaking that she will never get to know him. I wonder if he thought about her in the last seconds of his life? It was an apparent drug overdose. Why did he feel the need to end his life? Maybe in the coming days we'll find out more.

So, this guy had fame, fortune, a beautiful little girl . . . but none of that kept him here. Maybe it's because he was lonely, especially after his split with Michelle Williams. Who knows. What keeps any of us here? We can, theoretically, end it all at anytime.

What gives life meaning? Why do we go on? What makes us fully happy?

I have come upon these questions after a text and a celebrity blog told me a celebrity died. It's so postmodern. At times I feel as though I am lost in this postmodern existence. It seems unreal, intangible, pointless . . . it's so easy to lose touch with reality in these times.

Oh, and I'm sure everyone thought Britney would be the next celebrity to die in this fashion.

Peace and Love (?)

Hi everyone,

I got a flat tire at 6:00am this morning after driving some co-workers home. I was over-tired and ran over a curb downtown. Good thing I had a co-worker in the car with me to change my tire. I felt like I was inconveniencing him with the flat tire even thought it happened while I was taking him home. And the other night I went 20 minutes THE OPPOSITE WAY from my house to take another co-worker home. And a couple of months ago I got two speeding tickets from a camera on the way home from driving another co-worker.

Is this what I get for going out of my way? Or is it simply me not being a good driver . . . especially from 4-6am. I am still not entirely used to being alert at 3am. I have dozed off more times than I care to admit driving home from the club. It's dangerous for me to drive when I'm so exhausted.

So just when I think I'm "okay" with money (and by okay, I still mean broke), this shit happens. :( I try to look for the positive in situations, but it's hard sometimes. At least it's just the tire that is ruined, I guess.

I applied for a bunch of jobs last week and haven't heard back from one. I sent my resume out to some jobs with 9:30 Club listed on it and on some I omitted it. I'm wondering if sending my resume without 9:30 Club listed makes it seem like I've been fired or something? I don't know. It's very frustrating. I am confused about what my next move should be. I want to get another part-time or even full-time job here, preferably a temp one for a non-profit to save money for NY and build up my resume. But at the same time, I'm applying for jobs in NYC. Do I settle with any old job here since I really need to make more money (and benefits would be nice) or do I continue to be picky? It's just so hard and confusing.

Today I was reading the local newspaper and saw my friend Meghan's byline. I'm really happy for her because being a reporter is something she's always wanted to do. It makes me kind of sad because I realize that I am not really where I want to be or even thought I'd be right now. That's why I'm pushing for NYC again because when I was there, it WAS where I wanted to be. It is so hard, but I'm happier trying than just settling.

I also feel sort of out of place at 9:30 Club. No one has been mean to me or anything, but I just feel different from everyone else. I don't smoke weed, I don't drink a lot, I'm not entirely a night person, I don't party hard, I'm a good girl, I'm a bit sheltered . . the list goes on. Everyone is super nice to me, but I feel a little paranoid, especially considering the whole fauxmance thing with that guy that everyone knows about.

I know if I just ignore it, it'll blow over, but I still feel awkward because I told some people about out little "thing" and I think they probably talk to him about it. I feel like it's a running joke. It is to me because in typical Adrienne fashion, the one guy I am interested in at the club is the one who just isn't interested in me. It's bizarre for me to meet a guy who is so physically attracted to me (he admits it) and single, but doesn't want to act on it anymore. It's also probably healthy and wise that he doesn't, but what sucks is that I still just want to make out with the kid. I'm still attracted to him and it's hard for me to ignore it, but I"m trying my best. Furthermore, it's hard for me to see other couples that I work with because it reminds me that I'm alone. My expectations I had with this guy and our flirtation, which gave me something to look forward to, is meaningless now. It's an empty feeling.

Wow, I've written a lot in this entry. I have a lot going on inside my head. I'm feeling incredibly shitty right now. I know it'll pass, but it doesn't change how I feel right now. Please send some positive energy my way. I need it.

Peace + Love,
A

WTF?!?!

This is my new favorite blog. I found her blog while doing research on "black women who act white" for my new book. This woman is black and married to a white man with two-biracial children and well . . . just read.

That black girl: Just callin' it as I see it.

I don't hate her. I kind of admire her honesty and guts. I don't agree with everything she expresses, but I can relate to her in a lot of ways.

Have a good weekend. :)


*OFF-TOPIC: I find myself hating all men. I know it's not good to hate ANYONE or ANYTHING, but I have had very few (if any) completely positive experiences with men recently, yet alone throughout my whole life. I don't like being this way, but I really only think they are "good" for two things: opening jars and making out. That's it. I need help.*

FYI

Sometimes a girl just needs to make mistakes . . .but if the mistakes take control of you, that's when you know it's time to stop. It's time to take control back. It's time for a re-evaluation.

My latest love interest is completely emotionally unavailable and apparently, isn't that into me. Whatever. I've learned I cannot waste my time with someone who isn't into me. There's no point. I hope he has a nice, functional life. So now I'm playing it cool. I've forgotten about the kisses, the embraces, the whatever the hell else happened. It means nothing. It meant nothing to him then and it means nothing to me now.

It's just that easy. (Side note: He still flirts with me and shit. I have to tell him to stop. Somehow it seems like he's more attracted to me now that I've "gotten over" him. WTF!?)


I guess I was never that into him either. From day one, I said he's like a brick wall. He's so fucking emotionally unavailable that it's sad. I've known it since our first real conversation, but somehow I thought I could change him. Even other people thought I'd be the one to change him.

HAHA! GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK!

So, when have you ever heard of an unavailable, dangerously independent, and scared man changing because of a girl? It doesn't happen. My mom stayed married to a man for 20 years in hopes that she'd change him and guess what? SHE DIDN'T! And guess what else? He's my dad!

A person has to change because they want to and it has to be on their own terms. Sure, maybe the latest guy I was into just needs "the right girl," but any self-respecting girl will not stick around and be pushed away.

And if said girl is lucky, the guy will just run away anyway.

I have dealt with SO MANY guys and in so many different situations. I'm no longer jaded. My guard is up. I feel like a wise woman. I know when it's time to let go, but sometimes I still make mistakes. Sometimes I (stupidly) put myself in situations that are way beneath me.

But I learn and grow from them. I get hurt and then I get better. That's how life goes. There's no big mystery to it.

And for the record, can I just say I'm WAY OVER unavailable men. There is nothing ~*~*~*mysterious*~*~ or ~*~*~*alluring*~*~*~ about them. So over it.

So, ladies, here are deal breakers:

1.) He has a girlfriend. (DON'T EVEN LOOK TWICE!)
2.) He is always on his computer. (ESPECIALLY IF HE'S ALWAYS ON MYSPACE! MAJOR RED FLAG!)
3.) He smokes weed all the time. (Unless you smoke all the time too, I don't see this working.)
4.) He doesn't call you. (DUH!)
5.) He stands you up. (PROBABLY BECAUSE HE'S ON MYSPACE.)
6.) He makes you feel stupid.
7.) He only pays attention to you when he's drunk.
8.) He tries to wine and dine you. (WHAT IS HE HIDING?)
9.) He doesn't have ambition. (NO LIFE PLAN. NO CAREER GOALS. NO THOUGHTS ABOUT THE FUTURE. WELL OBVIOUSLY YOU'RE NOT IN HIS FUTURE EITHER . . .HOPEFULLY.)
10.) He is 38 years old and you're 23. And he's your boss. And he has a girlfriend. And he makes you feel uncomfortable. And he asks you if you sleep naked or with pajamas. And he keeps harassing you about your lack of a boyfriend. (HE WANTS TO MANIPULATE YOU. HE WANTS TO RELIVE HIS YOUTH. WHY CAN'T HE FIND A WOMAN HIS OWN AGE? HE IS GROSS!)

That's all for now.

"Never Touch A Black Girl's Hair"

This is a new theme on my blog. Remember that book I was talking about? Well, I've decided to start being more public about it. I'm going to feature segments, my real thoughts and other observations on my blog. Just sort of like a diary of what I think so I can put this all into book form and get the ball rolling.

This is all unedited, obviously. Forgive me for my poor grammar and syntax. If it bothers you, stop reading.

If the content offends you, please let me know why. Leave a comment.

Thanks!

CELEBRITIES

Things I don't get in Celebrity Blogland:

-What is the big appeal of Zac Efron? He's not very attractive and he seems very gay. I don't even think I would have liked him when I was younger.

-Who are the Jonas Brothers?

-Why do 25-year-old men like Miley Cyrus?

-Pete Doherty. Why do we care? Who is he? I always skip posts about him, but does anyone read them?

-The Gummi Bear???? Who is that?

-"Girls Aloud" . . .some British girl band? What is the point?

-"The Spice Girls" . . .see above. Except I know that the point is they're going on some reunion tour. I liked them in middle school, but do they even merit a reunion tour? I feel like they were popular for, like, 3 months. It's been TEN YEARS. Do we care anymore?

-Why do we keep getting daily paparazzi shots of Britney Spears? If the public ignores them and stops paying for the paparazzi's pictures, maybe they'll stop taking them. Maybe Britney can then stop trying to appear in the magazines. And her new boyfriend is so slimy and shady. I don't feel bad for her anymore . . . the whole situation disgusts me.

- Why is Perez Hilton still so popular? Plenty of other blogs are updated more frequently. A lot of other blogs are more reliable. A lot of other blogs get more exclusives. He is biased, vulgar and boring.

* * * *

That's all for now. Have a good day, y'all. I'm going to write a little and maybe work out before work. I'm feeling a little weird and out of it. Probably because I'm PMSing. I feel a little down. Bleh. It'll be over soon.

FYI

I'm open to something great. I'm ready to be lead. I need to get it together. I'm listening . . .

Also, I'm kicking myself for not saving more money at my last (and only) full-time job!

Also, I'm kicking myself that I didn't try harder a year and a half ago when I first went to NYC.

A Novel Idea

I just finished reading "The Mistresses' Daughter" by A.M. Holmes. I finished reading it in a few hours . . .I just couldn't put it down. The first half captured me, the second half lost me, but the end was beautiful.


The author was the result of an affair between her birth mother, who was 22, single, and not in any position to raise a child, and her birth father, was was an older, married, emotionally unavailable man. Both of her birth parents are deeply flawed. Sadly, she is never to truly connect with either parent truly. Her mother dies prematurely from a cause that is somewhat unclear (kidney failure) and her father basically disowns her to keep the peace in his "other" family. Utterly depressing.

Anyway, what does this have to do with me and my writing?

I've just been exhausting myself with my inability to, you know, write something. I try to write everyday and right now I'm averaging only 3 days a week. PATHETIC! I have no idea when or IF I will even be published anytime soon, and that's a BIG risk to take when you are 23 and need to get a fucking clue as to what I'm going to do with my life.

I'm still looking for jobs in NYC, but the task is daunting and disheartening. I don't want to give up and I'm not, but after nearly two years of trying off and on, I think maybe I have given up. Why didn't I just save money when I was making it to move there on my own? Why am I so afraid, slow to act, helpless . . .I just don't get it.

Ugh, I'm off to potentially write. Or maybe I will look up information on my own paternal grandparents I never knew.

Peace and Love

Hi there,

So, I didn't get to perform in front of my co-workers! We ran out of time! Bummer, huh?

Today I'm taking it easy. I've purposely decided that I'm not working out today. My poor knee is feeling a bit injured. I am going to meet up for dinner with a friend. Relax at home for a bit. Maybe play The Sims 2. (YAY!)

One of my supervisors at The 9:30 Club is constantly probing about my being single. It annoys me to no end. I don't want to talk about it. People think there is something wrong with me being I'm single. Why are they so concerned?

It's like they think a pretty girl just can't possibly be single. NO WAY! And if she is single, she can't possibly be HAPPY! Every girl has to have a boyfriend! If you don't, what is WRONG with you?

Listen, I would love to be in love. I would love to meet someone who blows me away. The fact of the matter is, I just haven't lately. So please kindly fuck off.

Just when I'm getting okay with the idea of not having anyone and not looking for anyone, someone has to make me feel kind of shitty about it. I need to toughen up. I'm trying. Really, I am.

I am tired of aiming for the wrong ones. I am holding out. I am, for perhaps the first time in my life, NOT WORRIED ABOUT IT. Don't make me be worried about it.

I've tried the romance. I've felt the fire. I've fallen. I've gotten back up. I'm jaded. I'm tired. I'm exhausted. I've been a bit promiscuous. I've been the other woman. I've been the virgin. I'VE BEEN IT ALL!

So now let me try to be me.

Love,
A

FYI

WTF?!?!

SOMEONE IS WATCHING YOU!

Or rather, me, I guess.

SOMEONE IS STALKING WHAT I'M DOING ONLINE! I swear. It's not just on Facebook. (MARK ZUCKERBERG, THE CREATOR OF FACEBOOK, WAS ACCESSING INFORMATION FROM "OUTSIDE" WEBSITES BY DEFAULT WITHOUT ASKING FOR OUR PERMISSION. HE PUBLICLY APOLOGIZED AND MADE IT AN "OPT-IN" FEATURE INSTEAD. . . . DID YOU KNOW THAT?)

THEY KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE!

They are trying to sell things! I will Google something once and suddenly find ads for it all over the Internet. I even get E-MAILS offering me shit.

What is up with this?

The Internet is awesome. I love it and probably couldn't survive without it. Well, I could survive, duh, but you know what I mean. But sometimes . . .it creeps me out. I believe we are becoming too reliant on it.

It's weird to think that marriages, babies, jobs, deaths, etc. have all happened BECAUSE OF THE INTERNET. It's really everything in one place.

But is it really living? Is it GOOD to be so wrapped up in technology? Are we becoming and creating ADD, technophile, MONSTERS?

The government (and whoever else wants to) can trace our every move on the 'Net. YOU ARE BEING MONITORED RIGHT NOW WHETHER OR NOT YOU LIKE IT!

Part of me says: "FUCK IT! THERE'S NOTHING I CAN DO! I WILL CONTINUE LOOKING UP CELEBRITIES AND HOW TO CURE ACNE!"

But it DOES bother me. My life is being monitored. This is real-life Truman Show shit. This is 1984 in 2008. Weird.

I was looking up jobs in NYC the other day and checking out the New York Times. I do have a Washington Post account, but I rarely use it now that I've decided my next move is definitely going to be NYC. (YAY!) So anyway, I'm looking up jobs and stuff, and then LOW AND BEHOLD, I get a fucking e-mail from The Washington Post saying: "Update your resume! We noticed it's been almost three months since you've updated."

IS THIS JUST A COINCIDENCE?

I don't think so!

It's downright SCARY.

So, my dear friends and readers, please, please, be AWARE.

FAVES

Today I have to sing and perform in front of my co-workers at 9:30 Club. I'm super nervous, mostly because singing in front of people you work with is a little ridiculous. I used to perform all the time in high school, so I am not all that nervous about the actual singing . . .I'm more nervous about having to look at them while I'm doing it!!!

Also, I have been applying to jobs in NYC and I'm quietly reassured that I'm ready now. Scared, but ready. :) This is a big decision. I've been in a kind of daze for the past few days contemplating this.


TOP 10 FAVE SONGS THAT I'VE HEARD IN MY LIFE THIS FAR:


10. "Joyful Girl" by Ani DiFranco
9. "Landslide" by Fleetwood Mac
8. "Pale September" by Fiona Apple
7. "I Wanna Be Your Lover" by Prince
6. "Sunday Morning" by No Doubt
5. "Redemption Song" by Bob Maryley
4. "Subterranean Homesick Alien" by Radiohead
3. "Nowhere Fast" by Incubus
2. "My Cherie Amour" by Stevie Wonder
1. "Waiting in Vain" by Bob Marley


This list will probably change, but this is as of today.

A NOVEL IDEA

there's something a little illegal
about taking a bubble bath
in the afternoon
on a monday

and yet that's where i find myself
contemplating life, love,
and the new incense
i just lit

i wish you could see some of the faces
when i tell people my plan
an endearing nod
or a muffled chuckle

it seems slightly unrealistic
indulgent
and fantastical
my wanting to write a book
and become a published author

but gee, isn't 70 degree weather
in DC on january seventh
and a bubble bath at 3 in the afternoon
on a monday

unrealistic,
indulgent,
fantastical?

and yet . . .

PEACE AND LOVE

I had an epiphany today. I am so not relationship material.

I keep wondering why boys that I like never want to be in a relationship with me and how I can never find the right guy and I've come upon the conclusion that I'm so not ready for it.

I know, I know, I'm 23. I'm not getting any younger. I just don't have my fucking shit together. I am a complete mess in every way imaginable. Seriously. I am not ready to take on someone else's bullshit along with my own.

What's the point of crying about boys not wanting to be with me? Most of the boys I want to be with aren't boys that are relationship material anyway. The latest one I wasn't even that into, but I forced myself into it because I was way attracted to him, but did I want to BE with him? I don't know. I can't compete with his computer, his car and weed. That's what took up his time.

As I've said to my friends, give me 5 guys who are all the same in every way except one has a girlfriend, one is a pothead and the other three are single and ready to mingle. I will go for the one with the girlfriend, hands down. Next I'll try the one who's a pothead. Then I might date the single ones, but eventually end it.

WHY?

Because I'm not ready to commit. I'm comfortable with being turned down and being single. I'm okay thinking I'm ugly and undesirable, which is sad. I know I'm neither, but I also know I'm having too much damn fun being single and a mess. I want to date around. I want to have fun. I want to experience life. I want nothing to hold me back, especially no fucking whiny ass guy who has mood swings and makes me feel like shit for no apparent reason. Who wants that?

Don't feel bad for me. This is a very important and uplifting realization. It's empowering.

I am not where I want to be emotionally, career wise, financially, physically, life wise . . .Basically in every way. I am not ready for the commitment.

Who says you have to have a boyfriend? I want one, who doesn't want a soul mate, but I kind of like being single.

I would like to experience true love and happiness and all that jazz, but why force it? I'm going to work with what I have.

So my concentration is my career in 2008 and to continue my personal growth. I have gotten a little thrown off with that whole thing for the past couple of months, but I'm back.

I am looking for freelance writing jobs and finally buckling down with it. By the end of 2008 I hope to be living on my own and have a more straightforward career plan.

Have a good weekend, y'all!

(Side note: I cut my hair short and I love it.)

CELEBRITIES

Oh, you know I had to write about it . . .

THE SPEARS GIRLS HAVE LOST THEIR MINDS.

So, I never posted about Jaime Lynn and her pregnancy a few weeks ago, but OF COURSE I have an opinion.

Why wasn't she on the Pill or at least using condoms????

Hello, she is 16! Nevermind the fact that I think it's ridiculous that she was allowed to sleep over and go on vacations with her older boyfriend. Mama Spears is a little nuts for allowing this. Jamie Lynn is at fault, yes, but she's a baby. I don't think she's "ruining her life" necessarily by having a baby at 16. She doesn't know how to be a mother and she may not be ready, but she'll figure it out. It'll be hard, but she'll be okay.

BUT WHY OH WHY DID MAMA SPEARS PUT HER SHIT OUT THERE IN OK! MAGAZINE! WHAT? She could have EASILY hidden this whole mess for months. We haven't seen Jamie Lynn because she's, presumably, been holed up in Kentwood. How would we have seen her or known about the pregnancy??? They should have kept it under wraps.

AND THEN WE HAVE BRITNEY'S HOSTAGE SITUATION LAST NIGHT . . .

My heart goes out to this girl. She is obviously in so much hurt and turmoil that she doesn't want to LIVE anymore. Can you imagine how this feels? I can. I have had numerous breakdowns (Um, HELLO! I did blackout while talking to a boy who was rejecting me a few days ago!) and I can only imagine how magnified it is with the WHOLE WORLD watching you! At least I have my family and friends to support me. It seems as though Britney has pushed everyone away. The only people around her are the ones she pays. I feel for the girl.

Life is hard. Britney's life is not normal by any means. I can only imagine how it must feel to be here. As you know from my previous posts about Britney, it's really weird that she was THE POP PRINCESS when I was in high school and defining who I was as a woman and person. She was everything us girls wanted to be and now . . .

I end this post with her video "Lucky". Self-fulfilling prophecy? I think so . . .

Watch and listen with awareness. I pray to God BritBrit doesn't commit suicide.

Single Girl

So, after much consideration, I have decided that I don't need a boyfriend.

I love my girlfriends so much. They love me unconditionally and are always there for me. They make me happy. Why do I need a man?

Men are unpredictable. Men will come and go. Unless they are sure about me, I don't want it. Unless they are continuously adding to my life, I don't want it.

My friendships are more important to me and most of them have lasted a whole lot longer than any relationship I've ever had with a boy.

I am not looking for a man to fulfill me at this point of my life and I don't think I will ever depend on one fully. I don't think it's a smart idea for a girl to only receive happiness from a partner or ever think, even in marriage, that it'll last forever. It's always smart to have an alternate plan.

It's okay to be in love and not able to imagine life without said lover, but shit happens. You just need to be smart about it.

As for my love life, I am going to love my friends, family, and whatever the hell else makes me happy. I'm going to focus on me and my future. The past is forgotten.

I'm single and that's okay right now.

Here comes a better version of me . . .

FAVES

Well, what a difference a day makes!

I am super good right now after sleep and rest. My poor body. :( I am so over that guy and now that I'm thinking coherently, I realize that I was just into the idea of him. I liked having someone I was attracted to at work, but now that he's out of the picture, WHAT A RELIEF. I wasn't really feeling him as relationship potential, but I definitely wanted to hook up with him all the time. He's missing out. And as for moving to NYC right this second, I will eventually move there in a few months, but there's no rush. I'll get there soon.

Hope everyone has a wonderful New Year's Eve! I did!

Now, on to our regularly schedule program:



FAVE MARATHON ON TV: "America's Next Top Model" is, BY FAR, the best show to watch a marathon of on television right now. I rarely watch it during it's regular run on it's regular night . . .I'd rather just see a few episodes from the marathon on VH1 or MTV. SO GOOD. That's what I'm doing now.

My favorite season is probably the season where they go to Japan that featured Yaya, Eva, and that blind chick. It was awesome.

I would consider being on this show if only for the makeovers. If they say they're cutting off my hair, though, I'd definitely have to fight Tyra.