Monday, January 14, 2008

A Novel Idea

I just finished reading "The Mistresses' Daughter" by A.M. Holmes. I finished reading it in a few hours . . .I just couldn't put it down. The first half captured me, the second half lost me, but the end was beautiful.

The author was the result of an affair between her birth mother, who was 22, single, and not in any position to raise a child, and her birth father, was was an older, married, emotionally unavailable man. Both of her birth parents are deeply flawed. Sadly, she is never to truly connect with either parent truly. Her mother dies prematurely from a cause that is somewhat unclear (kidney failure) and her father basically disowns her to keep the peace in his "other" family. Utterly depressing.

Anyway, what does this have to do with me and my writing?

I've just been exhausting myself with my inability to, you know, write something. I try to write everyday and right now I'm averaging only 3 days a week. PATHETIC! I have no idea when or IF I will even be published anytime soon, and that's a BIG risk to take when you are 23 and need to get a fucking clue as to what I'm going to do with my life.

I'm still looking for jobs in NYC, but the task is daunting and disheartening. I don't want to give up and I'm not, but after nearly two years of trying off and on, I think maybe I have given up. Why didn't I just save money when I was making it to move there on my own? Why am I so afraid, slow to act, helpless . . .I just don't get it.

Ugh, I'm off to potentially write. Or maybe I will look up information on my own paternal grandparents I never knew.

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