Wednesday, July 16, 2008

gossip and other less likeable traits

i hate gossip and yet somehow i'm always involved in it. i do it without thinking and sometimes without even knowing what i'm doing is qualified as "gossip." i also have a problem with opening my mouth at times when other more evolved people might keep their mouths closed. i have never been good at keeping shit to myself . . .or being the cute quiet girl.

somehow people always feel comfortable with confronting me instead of other people when it comes to stuff like that because i guess i give off the sensitive, apologetic doormat vibe or something. it makes me a nervous wreck and really sick to think i'm the very thing i hate in other people.

i'm also trying to be less self-aware and apologetic, traits which i've been accused of by more than one person in recent times. hello, this blog is riddled with my overanalyzing of every-fucking-thing. that's what i do.

along with my acute hypochondria which has also been passed down the line by the women of my family, i'm a "hot mess." and yet somehow people still like me. somehow i still have friends.

no one's perfect. everyone has their thing. i just hate feeling like i've always done something wrong. the guilt in itself makes me feel guilty for having it. my head isn't so pretty on the inside sometimes.

so i've given up gossip blogs. too much negative karma. i'm also going to work on being positive. time to focus on me again.

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