I have $10 in my bank account.

There, I admitted it. I am broke as a fucking joke. I have $10 in my bank account. I feel worthless, sad, and helpless. There's really nothing I can do. I'm working as much as I can. I don't get paid until next Friday, so basically, it is what it is. Accordingly, I'm planning on spending lots of time holed up at home doing nothing. What else can I do? I think I'll also use this time to work out and get in shape. Clean up a little. Maybe write? Who knows. But basically, I will be doing nothing involved money.

My monitor to my laptop broke. Someone stepped on it over Thanksgiving holiday. Now I have a monitor I'm borrowing from my mom since there's NO WAY I can afford another Mac. I have the Powerbook G4 that I've had for three and a half years. I was planning on just getting another battery and uploading Mac OS XI Jaguar, but now it may not even be worth it. Oh well . . .

OH yeah, this probably deserves it's own post altogether, but the other night I was in a very agitated mood at dinner with my boyfriend. I had just finished working at a company I'm temping for during the holidays and afterwards I sat in the car for an hour and a half to get to where he lives. I was being so bitchy. I was bitchy for so many reasons but oddly I came out and said:

"I"m jealous of you because you can stay thin and eat whatever you want and I have to watch what I eat and I still gain weight!"

Yes, I told my boyfriend that I'm jealous of him because he is very skinny and I can't even button up pants I fit into fine last year. I haven't been working out at all, really. I've been eating fries, pizza, sweets and stuff, which is usually something I try to cut back on. Basically, I've began to let myself go and I wanted to blame someone or something. I'm ridiculous sometimes.

So I'm feeling shitty and he says he has a surprise after dinner. Turns out he had some pictures made of some pics he took of me over our summer vacation to his family's lake house. He said he needed pictures of me. He wanted to have some. I realized how much he loves me. It made me in a WAY better mood. I felt like such an idiot being so ridiculous.

That guy is made of love. Why am I worried about 5 or 10 pounds and the money in my bank account? I've got him.