Music + Me

It's 4:45am and due to coffee and pumpkin pie late tonight with a friend, I am having trouble sleeping. Lucky you, I have decided to write because that's what I do when I can't sleep.

So, I've always wished I could stick to an instrument. I took keyboarding lessons and was actually pretty good at keyboards/piano, but I got bored and quit. Couldn't stick with it and am ashamed to call myself a pianist.

My dad tried to teach me guitar at age 12 and I feel in love with the idea of being an awesome guitarist, but I never felt the connection to the guitar. I took lessons professionally at age 22 and still couldn't connect with it. I gave up after a couple of months.

I studied music for a year at Drexel and liked it, but thought it was pointless. I have kept in loose contact with some of my friends that graduated and most of them are still not working in the music business, despite paying $160,000 on their education and for that, I have no regrets about not staying there.

When I talk to people about being a musician, I have to laugh because I don't identify with it and don't think I am. I feel fraudulent and awkward telling people that I play piano or guitar, because truthfully, I don't. I own a keyboard and borrowed a guitar from my dad, but I don't play either of them well or frequent enough to claim ownership . . .and I've never had the inclination to do so.

I DID participate in choir ever since I was allowed to. It goes back to being in second grade, finding out that my elementary school's chorus was going to sing with Michael Jackson at President Clinton's inauguration and that I was too young to do so because you had to be in third grade to be in chorus. From that day on, I swore I'd ALWAYS be in chorus and sing. I did lots of choirs, had solos, loved performing. I took private voice lessons in college. I WAS really good at voice, but in the past few years, I've pretty much abandoned that, which is something that I have grown to regret.

Now I'm finally, at age 23, trying to actively accomplish my lifelong goal of being in a band. I've always wanted to do it, but the opportunity never presented itself. Even being around a bunch of musicians at Drexel, we never formed a band. How pathetic. I just love performing and being on stage. I feel most comfortable there.

I love being around music at my night job all the time right now. I've learned so much just being in the environment. I've learned there is nothing romantic or exciting about touring or being backstage at a show. I've learned that some rock stars are douche bags. I've learned some are really awesome. I've learned the crew and tour guys are horny. I just love being around people who are going for what the truly want. I'm hoping some of it will wear off on me.